These quotes by George Costanza could’ve been uttered by me! Is he my kindred spirit?
If you can’t say something bad about a relationship you shouldn’t say anything at all.
I would rather date the blind. You know, you could let the house go; you let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn’t really know that you’re not good enough for her…
You know the odds of me being anyone’s type? I have never been anyone’s type, but apparently, this Marisa Tomei loves funny, quirky, bald men!
So, I’m afraid that…I, am going to have to break up with…YOU. Yes, I, am breaking up with YOU. Shocked? Never expected this did you!?…Well, live and learn!
On crappy comebacks:
Got a machine…I’m a dead man. I don’t know what the hell I said! I gave her an ultimatum and there’s nothing I can do. It’s a machine! The little light is blinking right now, “come and listen to the idiot! Hey everybody, the idiot’s on!”
Believe it or not, George isn’t at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I’m not home!
When I asked him if it was cancer, he didn’t give me a “Get out of here.” That’s what I wanted to hear: “Cancer? Get out of here!” …It should be part of the training at medical school: “Cancer? Get out of here! Go home! What are you crazy? It’s a little test. It’s nothing. You’re a real nut. You know that?”